


that's a 'you' problem

by tsukuy0mi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Chatting & Messaging, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Group chat, Humor, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Pining, Social Media, Texting, chat fic, chatfic, groupchat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:21:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27513742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukuy0mi/pseuds/tsukuy0mi
Summary: oikawa: LIKE I SAIDoikawa: KAGEYAMA LIVES DON'T MATTERkageyama: is this because i'm japanesekenma: we're all japanese, kageyama
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio/Kuroo Tetsurou, Nishinoya Yuu/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 62
Kudos: 267





	1. kageyama lives matter

**oikawa** added **iwaizumi** , **kageyama** , **hinata** , **kuroo** , **sugawara** , **daichi** , **nishinoya** , **tanaka** , **kenma** , **tsukishima** and **yamaguchi**

**oikawa** named the groupchat to _the big dicks and noya_

**oikawa** : is tobio chan here

**kageyama** : yes i am here

**oikawa** removed **kageyama**

**sugawara** : you're the one who added him oikawa

**oikawa** : yes i know

**kuroo** : why you gotta do my homie like that

**nishinoya** : HEY MY DICK IS BIG SHUT UP

**iwaizumi** : as if anyone has seen it

 **iwaizumi** : you bottom

**tanaka** : yeah i top noya be quiet

**nishinoya** : }-(

**tsukishima** : what the fuck is that

**nishinoya** : it's my angry face :D

**daichi** : what the fuck is that

**kenma** left 

**hinata** : you know when DAICHI questions something then you should just give up

**daichi** : hinata dont think i wont give you 10 more laps to run just bc youre a first year and i go easy on first years

**tanaka** : 'easy on first years' MY ASS 

**tanaka** : WHO ARE YOU KIDDING

**nishinoya** : WHEN I WAS A FIRST YEAR YOU LOCKED ME UP IN THE EQUIPMENT ROOM FOR 4 HOURS BECAUSE I SAID YOU HAD A FAT PIMPLE ON YOUR NOSE

**daichi** removed **tanaka** and **nishinoya**

**yamaguchi** : it's much more quieter now :D

**kuroo** : WAIT OMG KENMA LEFT

**kuroo** added **kenma**

**kenma** : no please i hate groupchats

**kuroo** : what do you want me to do about that

**kenma** : stop adding me

**kuroo** : no

 **kuroo** : I FORGOT TO RE ADD KAGEYAMA OMG MY MAIN HOMIE

**sugawara** : lenny face

**hinata** : you mean your crush .. ;)

**kuroo** : i will squash you, i will fucking squash you, you fucking inbred water bottle

**oikawa** : KUROO HAS A CRUSH ON TOBIO CHAN???!?!?

**tsukishima** : yes you fucking dunce

 **tsukishima** : it's so fucking obvious

**iwaizumi** : and kageyama is...

 **iwaizumi** : to put it nicely...

 **iwaizumi** : ...dense

**kenma** : no that man is so much more than 'dense'

**hinata** : you can come up to him and confess your feelings for him and he'd just be like

 **hinata** : so what time is volleyball training?

**yamaguchi** : based off personal experience?

**hinata** : see this is why you're a substitute

**kuroo** added **kageyama**

**oikawa** : your boyfriend misses you i certainly dont tho

**kageyama** : huh?? my boyfriend?? whos my boyfriend??

**kuroo** : youre so cute

**oikawa** added **tanaka** and **nishinoya**

**tanaka** : i bet this groupchat was so boring with us gone for like a minute

**tsukishima** : no it was the complete opposite actually

**daichi** : it was ENJOYABLE

**nishinoya** : shut up old hag

 **nishinoya** : isnt it past your expiry date

**daichi** : no please oikawa can you please remove them just for at least five minutes please pretty please

**oikawa** : hmmm...

 **oikawa** : no :D

**kuroo** : does anyone remember that time when nishinoya tried to impress kiyoko by lifting up heavy weights and he fartEd

**kenma** : it stank like hell too

**hinata** : i didn't mind because it smelt good!!

**sugawara** : i think kiyoko cried afterwards 

**kageyama** : no she wasnt just 'crying'

 **kageyama** : she was balling her eyes out

**tanaka** : NOYA U FUCKING IDIOT

 **tanaka** : WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I WILL ERADICATE YOUR ASSHOLE

**yamaguchi** : tanaka we don't need to know about your kinks

**iwaizumi** : you and noya having that vanilla sex huh

**nishinoya** : NO I HATE YOU GUYS

 **nishinoya** : TANAKA WE ARE LITERALLY DATING YOU ERADICATE MY ASSHOLE ANYWAY

**tanaka** : oh yeah #Lol nvm

**hinata** : so cute :OO relationship goals!!

**sugawara** : sweet romance

**kenma** : how the fuck

 **kenma** : ok nvm

**kuroo** : yk kageyama that could be us

**kageyama** : huh

**oikawa** : don't even try with him he's dense as fuck

**daichi** : guys its 2am shouldn't we be asleep

**nishinoya** : no

 **nishinoya** : go read the newspaper u fossil

**hinata** : yeah aren't you supposed to be eroding already

**daichi** left

 **sugawara** added **daichi**

**sugawara** : omg you guys are so mean

**kageyama** : well he deserves it

 **kageyama** : yesterday he made us run up heartbreak hill like five times

**daichi** : KAGEYAMA YOU'RE MEANT TO BE ATHLETIC

**kageyama** : daichi-san idk who told you that but they were lying sorry to break it to u chief

**iwaizumi** : why didn't you jump off the hill

**kageyama** : trust me when i say i was about to

**kuroo** : no don't kill yourself you're too sexy haha x

**oikawa** : if i was there i would've ran 10 times :D

**kenma** : No you wouldn't

**oikawa** : yeah you're right i'm lying i wouldn't

**tanaka** : noya come cuddle me:(

**nishinoya** : im little spoon

**tanaka** : of course u toe rag

**nishinoya** : i hate you

**hinata** : i want what they have

**kenma** : toe rag

**tsukishima** : damn hinata don't lose nnn

**kuroo** : yeah you're going strong my homie

**hinata** : I FUCKIBG HATE YOU

**kageyama** : fuckibg

**hinata** : SROP

**kageyama** : srop

**hinata** : NYE

**kageyama** : nye

**hinata** left

**kageyama** : this time no one add him back

**tsukishima** : whatever the great king says

**kageyama** : NYE

**kageyama** left

**iwaizumi** : those two fucking idiots

**yamaguchi** : that's what we have to deal with everyday iwaizumi...

**iwaizumi** : surely at that point just lock them up in the equipment room together and force them to get along or smth

**daichi** : no we've tried

**tanaka** : kageyama brought like 29482983 milk cartons with him

**kuroo** : HES SO ADORABLEEEEE IM GONNA SOB :(

**nishinoya** : and somehow when we let them out they were all expired so it stunk like cow diarrhea for a few weeks

**yamaguchi** : and we had to get coach ukai to go into the equipment room and set up the courts for us cuz no one wanted to go in there

**sugawara** : yeah um the only thing we heard was a lot of shouting, yelling, and occasional farting for like an hour

**oikawa** : i bet the farting was tobio chan

**daichi** : no chief it was hinata

**tsukishima** : don't forget how much damaged equipment there were too

**kenma** : your team are full of dumbasses

 **kenma** : except for hinata

**iwaizumi** : you only said that bc you want to rail him into next week

**kenma** removed **iwaizumi**

**oikawa** : my iwa chan DD:

**oikawa** added **iwaizumi** and **hinata**

**nishinoya** : so you're not gonna add kageyama

**oikawa** : yeah i'm not

 **oikawa** : kageyama lives dont matter

**kuroo** added **kageyama**

**sugawara** : of course it was kuroo who added him

**kuroo** : Did You Say Something? :)

**sugawara** : OH NO HAHA I DIDNT. TOTALLY NOT. NOPE.

**kageyama** : huh???????

**tanaka** : ah my sweet little kageyama

**hinata** : YOU ARE SO. DENSE.

**kageyama** : HOW AM I DENSE SOMEONE EXPLAIN

**tsukishima** : ...

**kageyama** : PLEASE

 **kageyama** : PLEASEEEEEEEEE

 **kageyama** : GUYS???

 **kageyama** : ANYONE??????

 **kageyama** : HELLO WHERE ARE YOU GUYS???

 **kageyama** : HOW ARE YOU GONNA LEAVE ME ON SEEN LIKE THAT

 **kageyama** : EVEN YOU YAMAGUCHI???????

 **kageyama** : kageyama lives matter :(


	2. hinata's first armpit hair

< the big dicks and noya >

**kenma** : someone help

**sugawara** : why

**oikawa** : no

**kenma** : fuck you oikawa i hope someone finds your cum sock

**oikawa** : CUM SOCK

 **oikawa** : MISS GIRL. do you think i'm a STRAIGHT WHITE BOY?

**kenma** : yes i do

 **kenma** : and KUROO WON'T STOP CRYING

**yamaguchi** : OMG WHY

**kenma** : he found this picture of baby kageyama

**tsukishima** : fucking disgusting

**kageyama** : shut up

 **kageyama** : bitch

**kuroo** : NO HES JUST SO CUTE AND

 **kuroo** : ADORABLE

 **kuroo** : HIS CHEEKS LOOK SO SOFT AND IM SO SOFT AND

**daichi** : OKAY WE GET IT SHUT UP

**kuroo** : I WANNA SQUISH

**oikawa** removed **kuroo**

**oikawa** : imagine thinking kageyama is anything other than ugly

**hinata** : GUYS MY TOENAIL JUST CAME OFF

**kageyama** removed **hinata**

**tanaka** : aw damn kenma you should've said you wanted to eat it

**kenma** removed **tanaka**

**tsukishima** : in the span of two minutes three people are gone

**kageyama** : wanna make it four

**tsukishima** : sure

**tsukishima** removed **kageyama**

**nishinoya** : OMG STOP GUYS 

**tsukishima** removed **nishinoya**

 **oikawa** added **nishinoya** , **tanaka** , **hinata** and **kuroo**

**daichi** : no kageyama?

**oikawa** : LIKE I SAID

 **oikawa** : KAGEYAMA LIVES DON'T MATTER

**yamaguchi** added **kageyama**

**kageyama** : is this because i'm japanese

**kenma** : we're all japanese, kageyama

**nishinoya** : HINATA HOW DID YOUR TOENAIL COME OFF

**hinata** : I WAS RUNNING AROUND MY HOUSE AND I TRIPPED ON SMTH AND YEAh

**daichi** : why were you running around your house in the first place..

**hinata** : BECAUSE I FINALLY GREW ARMPIT HAIR

**kuroo** : this is what 0 cock does to a mf

**iwaizumi** : please remove hinata again someone

 **iwaizumi** : please i'm begging

**tanaka** : OMG CONGRATS HINATA I'M SO PROUD OF YOU

 **tanaka** : A TEAR HAS BEEN SHED

**nishinoya** : IS IT ORANGE

**hinata** : ITS LIKE AN ORANGEY BROWN KINDA COLOUr

**oikawa** : kenma wanna bite it off

**kenma** : no but i will bite your dick off if you dont Shut Yo Goddamn Mouth

**daichi** : NEW TOPIC PLEASE

**kageyama** : can someone help me with my chemistry

**kuroo** : NO

 **kuroo** : i mean yes

**oikawa** : kuroo jerks off to the periodic table

**nishinoya** : 'ughh Fe is so fucking hot ughhh baby'

**tanaka** : 'non-metals are so goddamn sexy'

**kuroo** : imagine how happy i would be if karasuno second years didn't exist

**oikawa** : kageyama i thought you were good at chemistry

 **oikawa** : WAIT WHY AM I TALKING TO YOU NOOOOOO

 **oikawa** : if you ever catch me talking to kageyama again then literally just cut off my pubes i spent a week trying to grow

**hinata** : KAGEYAMA?

**yamaguchi** : GOOD AT CHEMISTRY?

**hinata** : YOU'RE SO FUNNY OMG

**kageyama** : the only thing that is funny is your face

**kenma** : did you get that off the internet

**kageyama** : are you from accidents cuz theres where most highways happen

**iwaizumi** : what

**hinata** : what

**kuroo** : what

**yamaguchi** : what

**tsukishima** : what

**sugawara** : what

**daichi** : what

**oikawa** : what

**tanaka** : what

**nishinoya** : what

**kenma** : what

**kageyama** : what

 **kageyama** : WAIT OMG I MESSED IT UP

 **kageyama** : BYE

**kageyama** left

**sugawara** : Okay What the Fuck

**daichi** : leave him alone he's still going through puberty

**nishinoya** : so kuroo likes the Underdeveloped ones eh

**tsukishima** : tony lopez type beat

**kuroo** removed **nishinoya** and **tsukishima**

 **kuroo** added **kageyama**

**oikawa** : wow kageyama do i really not mean that much to you do i really not matter to you do i really not have a special place in your heart omg i'm so heartbroken rn do you not love me or something after everything i've done for you you just ignore me like this

**kageyama** : What the fuck did i do

**oikawa** : not answer my question

**iwaizumi** : s(he) be(lie)ve(d)

**tsukishima** : sbeve

**hinata** : (poo)p

**kuroo** : (fart)

**oikawa** : STOP MOCKING ME I'M LITERALLY BAWLING MY EYES OUT

 **oikawa** : TOBIO CHAN

 **oikawa** : STOP IGNORING ME

**iwaizumi** : oikawa shut the fuck up you literally bully him

**oikawa** : oh yeah nvm

**kenma** : ok but

 **kenma** : i swear you're good at chemistry kageyama

**kageyama** : no i really am not sorry homeboy

**yamaguchi** : i sit next to him in chemistry and all he does is stare out the window, sleep on his desk, copy my answers and complain about how hot scar from the lion king is?????

**kageyama** : hear me out tho

**hinata** : ms girl did i just read that right..

**daichi** : SCAR????????? YHE LION????

**kuroo** : kageyama are you Cheating on me

 **kuroo** : FOR A LION

**kageyama** : HE'S NOT JUST 'A LION' HES A WHOLE ASS@@DILF

**iwaizumi** : you weren't even together

**tanaka** : YOOOO SCAR IS ACTUALLY HOT THO i just know that man has a MONSTER COCK

**kageyama** : YES EXACTLY

**nishinoya** : BRO AND PUMBAA TOO

**tsukishima** removed **nishinoya**

**sugawara** : WHAT THE FUCK

 **sugawara** : PUMBAA?????????

**kenma** : no one add him back

**tsukishima** : when will the day come where we permanently remove nishinoya and never add him back

**daichi** : hopefully today, right now, right at this second

**tanaka** : why yall gotta diss my boyfriend like that

**oikawa** : SCROLL UP AND SEE FOR YOURSELF

**tanaka** : OH YEAH NVM YALL RIGHT

 **tanaka** : WHY DID I ASK HIM OUT HE MAKES ME WANT TO BOIL CARROTS

**hinata** added **nishinoya**

**iwaizumi** : hinata you fucking simp 

**hinata** : NO IF I DIDN'T ADD HIM BACK HE'LL START FARTING AT PRACTICE

**kuroo** : WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS AT KARASUNO

**kageyama** : when nishinoya's angry he starts farting

**kenma** : i'm so glad i go to nekoma

 **kenma** : i am so grateful that i live in tokyo

**tanaka** : HIS FARTS SMELL NICE

**tsukishima** : you're only saying that because you date him

**hinata** : NO THEY ACTUALLY DO SMELL NICE

**yamaguchi** : OK BUT LOWKEY THEY DO

 **yamaguchi** : if nishinoya's farts were a deoderant scent i'd be spraying that shit everywhere

**kuroo** : daichi what the fuck are up with your members

**daichi** : see that's what i'm tryna figure out here


	3. skid marks

< the big dicks and noya >

**kageyama** : why did the chicken cross the road

**kenma** : no

**kageyama** : ok

**kuroo** : NO LET THE MAN FINISH

**tsukishima** : no

**hinata** : OMG KAGEYAMA IS OUR MATHS HOMEWORK DUE IN TODAY

**kageyama** : yes

**hinata** : oh fuck

**kageyama** : you fuck

**tsukishima** : it's not that hard

 **tsukishima** : your just fucking stupid

**hinata** : NO ITS PYTHON SNAKE THEORUM AND I DOMT GET IT

**kenma** : shouyou if you want

 **kenma** : i can explain it to you over facetime?

**tanaka** : OMG JUST DATE ALREADY 

**kenma** : i hope your rectum gets torn permanently and you have the ability to never shit again

**daichi** : pythagoron theorum**

**iwaizumi** : what

**nishinoya** : isn't it pyjamas thong

**tsukishima** left

 **yamaguchi** added **tsukishima**

**hinata** : YES KENMA YES PLEASE FACETIME ME I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD

 **hinata** : i mean yeah, that's totally cool, kenma...

**kuroo** : the second hand embarrassment...

**sugawara** : LEAVE HIM ALONE HE'S A TWINK

**oikawa** : hinata is so socially inept it makes ME want to go into hibernation

**iwaizumi** : oikawa shut up don't act as if you used to gallop around asking if you could sniff peoples feet

**oikawa** : OKAY NO FIRST LET ME EXPLAIN

**tanaka** : TOORU YOU USED TO BE A HORSE GIRL 

**kenma** : he still is

**tsukishima** : hey oikawa are you going to morph into your horse form when it's a full moon

**oikawa** : I HATE YOU GUYS IM LEAVINF NYE

**kuroo** : do you mean neigh

**oikawa** left

**nishinoya** : i thought everyone knew oikawa was a horse girl

**daichi** : hinata hows the facetime going

**kenma** : well he fell asleep and i guess he's kinda cute...................

 **kenma** : *attached image of hinata sleeping on his desk*

**kageyama** : hinatas at peace

 **kageyama** : i don't like that

**tanaka** : are you just jealous bc he has a pube and you don't

**sugawara** : one singular pube?

**kuroo** : leave my homie kageyama alone

 **kuroo** : he may not have pubes but at least that man doesnt have SKID MARKS

**nishinoya** : HINATA DOES NOT HAVE SKID MARKS LEAVE HOMEBOY ALONE

**yamaguchi** : he looks like the type to have skid marks

**kageyama** : no he really does have skid marks

 **kageyama** : i was doing the laundry when we had the tokyo training camp last week and i was folding some spongebob boxers i knew it was hinatas bc it fucking had 'HINATA SHOUYOU' in BRIGHT BIG FUCKING RAINBOW at the back and i saw some CRUSTY ass skid marks

**kenma** : i refuse to believe that this is real

**tanaka** : when kenma eats out hinata all he really is gonna eat is that chocolate dessert;)

**kenma** removed **tanaka**

 **kenma** added **oikawa**

**oikawa** : HELLO

**iwaizumi** : shut the fuck up

**iwaizumi** added **tanaka**

**oikawa** : mean iwa-chan D:

**kuroo** : shut up horse girl

**daichi** : kageyama used to be a horse girl

 **daichi** : it's fine oikawa

**kageyama** : NO THE FUCK I DID NOT YOU FUCKING OLD HAG

**kuroo** : wait What did I say About horse girls?? Nvm they Cute as Fuck

 **kuroo** : they Cute with their Brown Uggs and Magic Powers

**oikawa** : TOBIO CHAN USED TO BE A HORSE GIRL

 **oikawa** : IM PEEING MSYELFJ

**tsukishima** : at least he didnt have a whole foot fetish

**iwaizumi** : oikawa always asked if he could stare at my toe nails it was so weird i wanted to kill myself

**sugawara** : well did you let the man?!

**iwaizumi** : of course the fuck i did 

**iwaizumi** : what do i look like

**tanaka** : NISHINOYA CAN WE TRY A FEET KINK???????????

**nishinoya** : OF COURSE!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS ACTUALLY GONNA ASK YOU FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**kenma** removed **tanaka** and **nishinoya**

 **sugawara** added **tanaka** and **nishinoya**

**kenma** : HINATA HAS AWOKEN

 **kenma** : EVERYONE SHUT UP

**kageyama** : i want to get him back to sleep 

**kageyama** : permanently

**yamaguchi** : why do you hate him so much

**kageyama** : Because

 **kageyama** : skid marks

**hinata** : THAT UNDERWEAR WASNT MINE

**nishinoya** : THEN WHOS WAS IT YOU INCOMPETENT ASS WIPER???!??!?!

**hinata** : IT WAS 

**hinata** : COACH UKAIS

**coach ukai** : Shut Yo big Ass Up the Fuck I aint Got No Skid marks The Fuck wrong Wit Yo Ass 

**coach ukai** left

**daichi** : SINCE WHEN WAS COACH HERE

**sugawara** : coach ukai a whole dilf

**daichi** : babe r u cheating on me 

**daichi** : FOR A FOSSIL

**kuroo** : streaks dont hmu // only mains know

**tanaka** : i'm so broken⛓️🥀

**iwaizumi** : daichi you ARE the fossil here stfu

**daichi** left

**yamaguchi** : YALL BULLY HIM TOO MUCH

**oikawa** : deserved!

**sugawara** : oikawa i hope your toenail gets ripped off your toe and you're in eternal pain you soggy cheese bag

**sugawara** added **daichi**

**nishinoya** : the Sexual Tension between sugawara and oikawa

**sugawara** and **iwaizumi** removed **nishinoya**

 **tanaka** added **nishinoya**

**tanaka** : babe ur farts smell nice n all but please i beg Shut the Fuck up

**nishinoya** : RYUUNOSUKE U TRAITOR

 **nishinoya** : I THOUGHT YOU WERE DATING ME

**tanaka** : I JUST DONT WANT YOU GETTING REMOVED BABE

**nishinoya** : AWWW BABE COME CUDDLE ME RN MUAH

**kageyama** : guys my toes hurt

**kenma** : then tell them not to hurt

**hinata** : if you're homeless just buy a house

 **hinata** : TSUKISHIMA THAT WAS A JOKE DONT REMOVE ME

**tsukishima** : i'm still going to anyway

**hinata** : WHAT WHY

**tsukishima** : Because

 **tsukishima** : skid marks

**hinata** left

**kuroo** : guys it doesnt reek of poop anymore

**kenma** : BE QUIET


	4. horse girl kink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating in a Hot minute  
> school's been kicking my ass F

< the big dicks and noya >

**kageyama** : i just got discriminated against because i'm japanese

**nishinoya** : OMG AGAIN????? 

**nishinoya** : the society we live in is so unfair, kageyama lives matter

**oikawa** : girl i think not

 **oikawa** : kageyama lives DO NOT MATTER AT ALL

**daichi** : kageyama we've had this convo before...

**kenma** : WE ALL HERE ARE FUCKING JAPANESE YOU DUNCE WHAT DO YOU MEAN

**kageyama** : no but

 **kageyama** : still

**hinata** : WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'NO BUT STILL'?????????

**tsukishima** : nah kageyama is probably adopted

 **tsukishima** : who would adopt kageyama willingly

**kuroo** : me Bitch the fuck

**iwaizumi** : kageyama what happened

**kageyama** : your mother happened

**iwaizumi** removed **kageyama**

**iwaizumi** : oikawa now i see what you mean

**kuroo** : STFU

 **kuroo** : free who?

**daichi** : free kageyama

**yamaguchi** : what in the fuck

 **yamaguchi** : did you bribe him to say that

**kuroo** : no i didnt

**daichi** : yes you did

**kuroo** : yes i did

**kuroo** added **kageyama**

**kuroo** : remove my homeboy one more time and he's gonna shift into his horse form

**oikawa** : kageyama is such a bad horse girl

 **oikawa** : i'm obviously the better horse girl

**sugawara** : did you just admit to being a horse girl

**oikawa** : NO I NEVER SAID THAT YOU BIG TOED FUCK i just said i make the better horse girl!

**tanaka** : if someone called me a horse girl i'd be so happy idk why its such an insult

**tsukishima** : say sike rn ...

**kenma** : YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN KAGEYAMA

 **kenma** : YOU'RE BOTH BIG FAT DUNCES

**nishinoya** : BABE YOU'D BE SUCH A GOOD HORSE GIRL<333333333

**tanaka** : YOU REALLY THINK SO SENPAI-CHAN????? NEIGHHHHHHHH

**nishinoya** : YOUR TAIL IS SO SOFT NEIGH *STROKES YOUR SOFT TAIL WHILST YOU PISS ON THE FLOOR*

**everyone** removed **nishinoya** and **tanaka**

**daichi** : i'll try negotiate with couch ukai to get them off the team

**iwaizumi** : i'll try negotiate with the japanese government to get them out of this country

**kageyama** : i'll try

**hinata** : fart

**kageyama** : no im not constipated

 **kageyama** : i want to be tho

**daichi** : K

**oikawa** : gold

**daichi** : what

**oikawa** : isnt the chemical symbol for gold K

**kenma** : oh god

 **kenma** : here he comes

**kuroo** : NO THE CHEMICAL SYMBOL FOR GOLD IS AU YOU FUCKING DUMBASS DO YOU LACK A BRAIN YOU'RE SO GODDAMN UNINTELLIGENT I DONT KNOW HOW AOBA JOHSAI ACCEPTED YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE SO UGLY

**tsukishima** : i'll try

**sugawara** : no you don't try

 **sugawara** : what do you mean

**tsukishima** : shit u rite

**kuroo** : kageyama i love you

**kageyama** : Ok

**kuroo** left

**oikawa** : TOBIO WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS SO MANY FUCKING TIMES YOU FUCKING FOOT FUNGI

**kenma** : NOW HES BAWLING HIS EYES OUT SOMEONE HELP

**kageyama** : wait what

**tsukishima** : kageyama you're so inbred

**kageyama** : wait why am i in bread?? im in my house i dont understand??

**tsukishima** removed **kageyama**

**tsukishima** : him in this groupchat is too bad for my mental health

 **tsukishima** : everytime he sends a message i just want to blend my toes and feed them to kenma

**kenma** : WHY ME

**tsukishima** : because you have pubic lice

**kenma** removed **tsukishima**

 **yamaguchi** added **tsukishima** , **kageyama** , **kuroo** , **nishinoya** and **tanaka**

**kuroo** : KAGEYAMA

**iwaizumi** : WE GET IT YOU@RE IN LOVE NOW LET ME GO SOB IN PEACe

< private message: hinata >

**kageyama** : HINATA D

 **kageyama** : SHOUYOU

 **kageyama** : COMPRESSED TOE RAG

 **kageyama** : UGLY ASS BITCH

 **kageyama** : INCOMPETENT ASS WIPER

 **kageyama** : get Yo ass Here before i expose The rest Of your skid Marks to kenma

**hinata** : WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT YOU FUCKING WHORE

 **hinata** : SHUT THE FUCK UP

**kageyama** : KUROO

**hinata** : OH MY GOD

 **hinata** : GIRL BYE YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT IM GOING TO SAY

**kageyama** : BUT

**hinata** : Im so close to blocking u rn

**kageyama** : WHAT IF KUROO DOESNT LIKE ME BACK

**hinata** blocked you

< the big dicks and noya >

**kageyama** : UNBLOCK ME RN HINATA

 **kageyama** : OR ELSE

**yamaguchi** : The fuck

**hinata** : OR WHAT

 **hinata** : WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO PUSSY

**sugawara** : oh god

**kuroo** : idk what happened but UNBLOCK HIM RN HINATA

**oikawa** : i bet they're arguing over smth stupid

 **oikawa** : like idk

 **oikawa** : how many pubes they have

**hinata** : shut up chicken head

**oikawa** : WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO

**hinata** : NO NOT YOU YOU DUNCE

**iwaizumi** : but still oikawa

 **iwaizumi** : shut up chicken head

**tsukishima** : oh kageyama is it about You Know

**kageyama** : SHUT YOUR THIN LIPS YOU CRACKER

**tsukishima** : I AM NO MAN OF CAUCASIAN DESCENT

 **tsukishima** : HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF SUCH A WAR CRIME

**nishinoya** : WHY IS TSUKISHIMA TYPING IN CAPS 

**tsukishima** : because i'd rather drink sparkling water than be a white man

**kuroo** : KAGEYAMA

 **kuroo** : HELLO

 **kuroo** : WHOS You Know

 **kuroo** : TELL ME

 **kuroo** : BABE

 **kuroo** : ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME

**kenma** : SHUT UP YOU ARENT EVEN DATING

**hinata** : yet

**tanaka** : NEIGH

**sugawara** removed **tanaka**


	5. vagina or uterus

< the big dicks and noya >

**kuroo** : shut up

**iwaizumi** : no one said anything

**kuroo** : SHUT UP

**kageyama** : k

**kuroo** : NO NOT YOU

**tsukishima** : then who

**kuroo** : fuck you

**tsukishima** : i know someone who would fuck you

**kuroo** : NO NEVER

 **kuroo** : kageyama is a bottom

**kageyama** : what

**kuroo** left

**kageyama** : what's a bottom?????

**oikawa** : idk ask kuroo Lol

**hinata** : idk ask kuroo Lol

**tsukishima** : idk ask kuroo Lol

**yamaguchi** : idk ask kuroo Lol

**kenma** : idk ask kuroo Lol

**iwaizumi** : idk ask kuroo Lol

**tanaka** : noya

**nishinoya** : NO YOU BROKE THE CHAIN YOU FUCKIGB IDIOT

 **nishinoya** : you haven't seen my final form yet ryu i'm actually a top

**tanaka** : Girl be quiet you're barely past five feet

 **tanaka** : idk ask kuroo Lol

**nishinoya** : but my schlong is

 **nishinoya** : idk ask kuroo Lol

**daichi** : idk ask kuroo Lol

**sugawara** : idk ask kuroo Lol

**hinata** : please never say the word schlong ever

**kenma** : schlong

**tanaka** : kenmas going to put his schlong in

**kenma** removed **tanaka**

 **kenma** added **kuroo**

**kuroo** : tsukishima i hope your toenails are so ugly and dirty and unclippable that you break the nail cutter

**kenma** removed **kuroo**

 **kenma** added **tanaka**

**iwaizumi** : i hope one day kuroo gets a really bad hand injury that prevents him from ever typing again

**oikawa** : iwaizumi i hope your toenails are so ugly and dirty and unclippable that you break the nail cutter

**iwaizumi** : babe you're so romantic awh<3 i love you

**kageyama** : WHTA THE CFUCK

**tanaka** : Are Oikawa And Iwaizumi Dating

**nishinoya** : We Need An Answer

< private message: tsukishima >

**yamaguchi** : BABE:(

**tsukishima** : what is it ugly

**yamaguchi** : tsukki:(

**tsukishima** : i'm kidding you're the cutest person i've ever seen

 **tsukishima** : but whats up??

**yamaguchi** : :D

 **yamaguchi** : i saw this really cute thing a couple did on tiktok and i wanna recreate it :D

**tsukishima** : no

**yamaguchi** : WHAT

**tsukishima** : i refuse to do recreate something off ... tiktok

 **tsukishima** : even if kageyama threatened to rip off my nipples i would still refuse

**yamaguchi** : but babe:(

**tsukishima** : no

**yamaguchi** : BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABE PLEASSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

**tsukishima** : no

**yamaguchi** : :(

 **yamaguchi** : tsukki:(

**tsukishima** : ok yeah send me the vid

< the big dicks and noya >

**oikawa** : a bottom is someone who gets schlonged down

**kageyama** : ...

 **kageyama** : I😩may🧍♀️❤️have🙄😜a👅🧎♀️small😗brain😺🖋but😏you✨😍know💃🖐what’s🧚😃smaller🤩👩🦲my😀🤌will🥱to🔫live📓👁

**sugawara** : OIKAWA WHT WOULD U SAY THAT

 **sugawara** : U BOTTOM

**oikawa** : SHUT UP WE ALL KNOW YoU BOTTOM FOR COUCH UKAI

 **oikawa** : AND NOT KEISHIN

**daichi** : WHAT

**couch ukai** : do You want Yo Ass smacked Into the Italian Cheez-Itz Factory

 **couch ukai** : Exactly so shut It

**couch ukai** left

 **yamaguchi** added **kuroo**

**yamaguchi** : WHERE DID HE COME FROM

**kageyama** : his mothers vagina

 **kageyama** : u idiot

**kenma** : you dont even come out ur mothers vagina

 **kenma** : u idiot

**hinata** : yes you do

 **hinata** : u idiot

**kuroo** : if kageyama says you come out your mothers vagina

 **kuroo** : then you come out your mothers vagina

 **kuroo** : u idiot

**kenma** : BUT YOU LITERALLY COME OUT THE UTERUS

 **kenma** : U IDIOt

**kageyama** : no i disagree

**iwaizumi** : how are you going to Disagree

 **iwaizumi** : its Literal female anatomy

**kageyama** : no

**sugawara** : no?

**kageyama** : no

**oikawa** : this is why i won best setter award in kitagawa and you didnt

< private message: kenma >

**kuroo** : oh my god

 **kuroo** : kenma

 **kuroo** : hes so stupid

 **kuroo** : its so cute

 **kuroo** : hes like a white girl

 **kuroo** : but he doesnt have to try being cute

 **kuroo** : just him is cute

**kenma** : I GET IT HES CUTE NOW LEAVE ME ALONE

**kuroo** : hes so adorable

 **kuroo** : hinata wishes he was as adorable as kageyama

 **kuroo** : hinata stinks

**kenma** : The fuck did u just say

**kuroo** : skid marks

**kenma** blocked you

< the big dicks and noya >

**nishinoya** : yo wtf is a vagina

**tsukishima** : aren't you straight you should know

**nishinoya** : NO I AM NOT STRAIGHT DONT ACCUSE ME OF SUCH A WAR CRIME

**tanaka** : i literally rail him every night

 **tanaka** : what are you Talking about

**daichi** : karasuno's education has failed us


	6. the small dicks and noya

< the big dicks and noya >

**tanaka** : i think the gc needs a new name

**oikawa** : no its accurate

**nishinoya** removed **oikawa**

**iwaizumi:** Did Nishinoya Finally Top

**nishinoya** : YES FINALLY

**tanaka** : IT FELT SO AMAZINGF

 **tanaka** : i felt spots that i didnt even know were there

**kenma** : ok we really did not need to know but thanks anyway

**tanaka** renamed the chat to the small dicks and noya

 **iwaizumi** added **oikawa**

**oikawa** : I DONT WANNA HEAR IT

 **oikawa** : 2 INCHER-

**iwaizumi** : you acting as if your dick doesn't bend slightly downwards

**oikawa** left

 **iwaizumi** added **oikawa**

**yamaguchi** : HIS WHAT BENDS WHAT

**kuroo** : mine curves to the left a little bit

**kageyama** : i haven't looked at mine in ages so idk what mine looks like

**hinata** : what

**kageyama** : im scared of dicks they scare me

 **kageyama** : they're so intimidating

**oikawa** : INTIMIDATING?????

**tanaka** : so even when you piss you don't look at it

**kageyama** : yeah i stare at the toilet bowl

**kuroo** : EVEN WHEN YOU JACK OFF YOU DON'T LOOK AT IT ???????

**kageyama** : no i dont jack off

**daichi** : Who the fuck looks at their dick when they beat their meat

**iwaizumi** : me bitch the fuck

**tanaka** : WHY DON'T YOU LOOK AT THE PORN YOU'RE WATCHING

**iwaizumi** : I DONT GET OFF TO PORN

**tsukishima** : what do you get off to then

 **tsukishima** : animals??

**yamaguchi** : what the actual Fuck am i reading rn

**sugawara** : CAN WE MOVE On FROM THIS TOPIC

**iwaizumi** : I AM NOT INTO BEASTIALITY U CRACKER THATS DISGUSTING

**hinata** : ok so my 2nd pube grew

**nishinoya** : OMG WHERE????"££(£(£

 **nishinoya** : I'M SO PROUD OF YOU

**hinata** : ON MY BIG TOE

**kageyama** : SHUT THE FUCK UP

**hinata** : UR JUST JEALOUS THAT IM ABLE TO GROW PUBIC HAIR AND YOU'RE NOt

**kuroo** : i bet my man has a fucking bush in his asshole be quiet ed sheeran's 4th distant cousin

**daichi** : i Never want to hear you say that Again

**oikawa** : he snapped

**tanaka** : i am so proud of my pubic hair

**yamaguchi** : is it grey

**tanaka** : No its like an ombre kinda white girl tumblr moodboard 2014 vibes

**nishinoya** : NATURAL ????? LIKE THE PUBE OMBRE IS NATURAL ???????

**tanaka** : YEAH BABY ALL NATURAL B)

**kuroo** : i play with my pubes sometimes

 **kuroo** : like twist n curl it around

**kenma** removed **kuroo**

< private message: lev >

**hinata** : No because what is actually wrong with your captain

**lev** : shit Shawty dont Ask me im Eating Yaku out Rn brb

**hinata** : I FUCKING HATE YOU I HOPE A TURTLE PISSES ON YOU

**lev** : already Had One piss on Me next

< the small dicks and noya >

**sugawara** : can we all mutually agree on pretending that kuroo doesn't exist

**daichi** : yeah

**oikawa** : yeah

**iwaizumi** : yeah

**tanaka** : yeah

**nishinoya** : yeah

**tsukishima** : yeah

**yamaguchi** : yeah

**kenma** : i've been doing that for ages

**hinata** : yeah

**kageyama** : no

 **kageyama** : WAIT I MEAN YEAH

 **kageyama** : HINATA SHUT UP

**kageyama** removed **hinata**

**kenma** : he didn't even say anything

**kageyama** : i could hear him breathing

**tsukishima** : you're not even in the same room you donut

**kageyama** removed **tsukishima**

 **yamaguchi** removed **kageyama**

**iwaizumi** : someone get me out of here

**oikawa** : come into my asshole<3

**iwaizumi** removed **oikawa**

**tanaka** : OMG STOP

**kenma** removed **tanaka**

 **nishinoya** removed **kenma**

**daichi** : if youre gonna add them back 

**daichi** : dont add kuroo

**sugawara** added **kenma** , **tanaka** , **oikawa** , **kageyama** , **tsukishima** and **hinata**

**kenma** : OSOMEONED HELP

 **kenma** : KUROOS BANGING ON MY DOOR WITH NO SHIRT AND A PAIR OF SPONGEBOB SHORTS YELLINGF AT ME TO ADD HIM BACK PLEAAED HELP ME

**kageyama** : send a pic Please

**kenma** : I DESPISE YOU STOP BEING SO WHIPPEd FOR A MAN WHO WEARS SPOGNGEBOB SHORTS

**daichi** : spogngebob

 **daichi** : he spoke french

**nishinoya** : This Pussy Talk English Spanish And French

**tanaka** : Yeah This Pussy Talk Euros Dollars And Yens

**yamaguchi** : OMG IS THAT MEGAN THEE STALLION ???? I LOVE CARDI SO MUCH

**oikawa** : no ms maam its city girls ...

**yamaguchi** : ...

**yamaguchi** left

 **tsukishima** added **yamaguchi**

**oikawa** : anyways Oikawa Thee Stallion

**kageyama** : i agree

**oikawa** : don't agree with me u fuckin turd

 **oikawa** : but me too i agree too

**kenma** : HE JUST BROKE YHROUGH MY WINDOW HELPWK£)OI(££I

**tsukishima** : Hmm ... Yall Heard That ???

**hinata** : I Didnt

**kenma** : I HATE YOU GUYS SO MUCHF

 **kenma** : HE GOT<<304oij(IU£*"(PLQ@WNUQY"O

**iwaizumi** : who knew he had a french degree

**kenma** added **kuroo**

 **kenma** renamed the chat to KUROO RULES !!!

**nishinoya** : did kenma finally die

**kenma** : i hate it here i fully hate it here


End file.
